Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
