I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
