the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
