You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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