He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
