hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
