You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
