i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
