So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
