My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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