margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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