I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I was not drunk enough for that final.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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