I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Randomize
