Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
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