you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
