So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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