fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
