imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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