so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
