can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
