If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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