Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
