my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
