woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
