Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
