I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
