I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
