I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
you made out with another girl for some wings
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
