i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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