In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
