It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
