So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Randomize
