I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
