Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
