I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
