Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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