I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
