take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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