I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I believe in your delicious
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
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