it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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