He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
