not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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