You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
