No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
