you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
