He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
