Say something about gay babies.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
i think my cat just said my name.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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