brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
