The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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