dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
