SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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