I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
