I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
