So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
