Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
