Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
