I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
