My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
The air taste purple.
Randomize
