you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
