So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
She announced her abortion via fbk
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
