from now on my penis is your penis
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
