I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
